My life, my journey

I was baptised when I was 1 year old in the Greek Orthodox church. Having had a traumatic childhood I managed to get through school and college, and university. 

During my late teens the devil brought me to despair and then depression, and psychosis all those years ago. He was laughing at me and was satisfied to see me crying and on the verge of suicide. I wanted respect and I asked why me??? I was angry with myself and with people. This is ego. The biggest trick the devil plays is to make you think he doesn't exist, that problems are all just in our mind, a creation of our own making. But when you realise that life is about pitting your wits against your ego, and therefore against pride, you again realise that the antithesis of pride is humility and only then do you know that only by humility do you overcome the devil. And where do we get humility from? From following The Way, The Truth and The Life of Jesus Christ. 

At first I collapsed physically onto the ground and surrendered my life with my arms open wide, I gave in, I couldn't take it anymore. 

Being humbled, having been brought to zero and though I had zero confidence, and zero self esteem. I channelled my anger into determination.

My first goal having been indoors for so long, was to go out for a walk with my mother in the dark for half an hour a day. Then this after a week or so grew to an hour. Why in the dark you may ask? Because I was scared to go out in the light. I could have been seen and looked at, and judged, or so I felt. 

Slowly slowly, step by step I managed to walk outside during daylight having mustard up the courage. I was no longer a man who was scared of the light. 

After years on medication for depression and schizophrenia that made me put on 5 stone of weight and other terrible side effects I was finally put on new medication, at a lower dose and which didn't make me put on weight. 

I now decided to walk everywhere as fast as I could and I lost the weight I had put on. 

The next was weight training and jogging, then physically I was fine to this day.

After much interaction with people, my confidence and self esteem being set right, through education and work etc, my mind felt normal. 

Spiritually I had overcome the devil's plan, to take me to depression and separate me from my Creator. The devil disrupts us and challenges our identity, so we don't know who we are, making our ego grow and leading us to confusion, anger, depression and psychosis, this is how all mental health issues are created, When the ego battles with who we really are, and who we are is "we are creations of the one True God Jesus Christ." Only when we know this fully can we have peace in our mind. 

Though I struggle at times and life isn't easy, I will 

never return to that dark place.

I have ended the demonic influence in my family and my paintings, and my poetry are reminders of all this. 

I'm gradually weaning myself off medication and I feel closer to God with everyday that passes. 

In order to rise you must first fall,

In order to break pride you must be humbled,

In order to gain confidence you must take risks, set goals and challenge yourself.

So you see, I learnt from experience and gained strength from overcoming adversity, and I realised that I had the strength within me at the beginning to do it. This shows inner character and depth, and will power. I expect to be attacked again by the devil in the future, but with prayer and the Cross, with the Church and my faith, I will continue my journey, and as I write and I paint, noting my life in words and images, like a diary I see the growth in my faith. Negatives come in and negatives go out, but the Truth remains always.