Expectations (my view)

As a child I expected my father to be different to what he was,

This destroyed me.

I expected my brother to be strong, but he wasn't.

I was expected to become a Doctor, but I failed in my pursuit.

I was expected to be stable and sane, and successful, but I was the opposite, I was like my father and my brother.

What does this mean?

It means expectations are unrealistic pressures that can devastate our lives, and it leads to questions, what is normality, what is fatherhood, what is strength, what is success? 

If we take away the expectations that we and society force upon us and live more simply, and humbly we would cease to fall into despair.

Worldly cares bring worldly emotions,

With simplicity and humility we separate ourselves from the world and away from the fears of expectation.

Without expectations the ego is crushed.

With humility we are elevated.

True humility is only gained through Christ Our Saviour.

Fear

Ingrained in society,

Is the terror that lurks beneath,

the sewer of the soul.

Beneath every facade of the face is the faeces of control, 

At least that's the psychodynamic reality of common mentality.

Fear is a mere negativity,

A worldwide construction,

Manifested by evil thoughts,

Setting up our destruction.

I say the overriding feeling that gets to the heart of humanity,

Is not fear, 

but the love inside each of us that brings us to sanity,

In this brainwashed world making the masses sustain an unreal reality,

Christ maintains True Love throughout the Universe with His miraculous ability.

Fear is of the devil,

If you do not believe this then you are deceived, or deluded, 

But by faith we overcome fear,

Fear not fellow people fore our path can be made clear.

By giving with loving kindness,

By repentance of sin,

By forgiving of wrong doing,

By dropping fear in the fear filled bin.

Fear is a darkness, it is a stench,

But perfect love casts out all fear and brings a sweetness to life,

Out of this gloom there glows a great light,

The light overpowers darkness and renders it obsolete,

Once love reaches your heart it is mission almost complete,

You've been touched by love,

You've been held by God himself,

And once you open up and pray,

He will always hear what you have to say.

Hold onto love and trust in God's plan,

Let go of man-made fear,

Your mission will be complete when love creates just a single tear,

A tear of hope and of lasting faith, 

Then you know at last you are Truly Truly Safe. 

For people who are different

Diverge from the norm?

Both nature and nurture I believe,

I diverged from birth,

When I began my battle here on this strange planet called Earth.

I'm never the same, always unique,

Always alone, never in clique.

I've always had the nerve to be different,

The nerve to be "weird",

The nerve to be "flawed and weak"

The nerve to be seen as a clown and a freak.

Exceptional neurons in my brain is why I struggle,

It's why I adapt to others inner life,

When my life is different and they refuse to adapt to me.

So you see,

I go out of my comfort zone,

while everyone else stays inside their kind, 

I glide here and there, and they are unaware of the conflict inside my mind.

When I explain I get a brick wall,

But, one box doesn't fit all,

And I cannot tick that box,

As it's not high functioning,

Or not based on scientific style number crunching,

It isn't extreme enough or doesn't display creativity,

Frankly, it isn't genius and lacks lucidity,

And it doesn't conform to me and my norm,

So I question, why was I born?

In this world so regimented and strict.

I'm in conflict,

with myself because the world is as it is,

And people don't understand,

Nor do they want to,

Fellow people, how can we be all the same?

When we are all so different?

How can we all agree?

When we all really disagree?

Don't shut us down when we complain,

We are not a stain on society,

But a bright spark,

And we have a strong voice,

So be more open and aware,

Let us be heard and give us a choice!

The obstacle is the way

You see the challenge in front,

You see the pain ahead,

The hurt and the effort is already embedded in your head.

It feels too much,

And you feel so weak,

But, it's just you against the obstacle,

And you must reach that peak.

You need to go that way,

It's the only option,

And it must begin today,

But, if it's not chosen you know you'll regret the day and you'll pay.

It's just you against the obstacle,

It's a simple matter of fact,

Simplicity is key to setting the goal,

Don't think too much, just act.

Dig as deep as you can,

Channel your mind and heart,

Anything is possible, 

You just have to start.

Go the distance as you know you can,

You've learnt hard times from the past,

It's what separates the child from the man,

And it will be done at long last.

It's just you against the obstacle...

The Turning Point

 I sobbed my heart out in my darkened dorm,

Then an explosion in my skull,

An explosion of rage and fear,

The devil grabbed me by the balls,

Signalling schizophrenia was here.

Things were going this way and that,

I heard voices of people I couldn't see,

I saw stuff like in a horror film,

I couldn't believe this was happening to me.

Involuntary movement,

Though terrifying it showed what was to come,

Compelled into a crucifix position laying on my bed,

I looked straight at the ceiling and saw two eyes ahead,

My head forced to turn right as if to say down look at me I'm stronger than you,

I sat on the edge and rubbed my face,

I left to go home in this darkened place,

The work of the devil had begun and it was inside me.

A decade of despair,

It was unfair,

In bed with months of crying and misery,

Then from a seed of confidence I had a goal,

To get out and walk with my mother,

In the dark so no one could see,

Terrified to go outside I felt so low and insecure,

But, even the world seemed a slightly better place,

I had achieved something,

By God's Grace.

Years down the line,

The light was the turning point,

God blesses me with gifts,

The gift of love,

The gift of health,

The gift of happiness.

Having the experience of the lowest of the low,

Now, I grow and I grow, and I can flourish and bloom,

With my shovel or my brush, or my pen, or my fists or my feet, 

I tend to life with expression,

I exercise with power,

This gentle nut is a hard nut to crack,

I drive forward and don't look back!

The Truth revealed

3am training in the gym today,

Trying to keep negative thoughts away,

Thoughts of being teased and belittled,

The anger stirring in me doubled and then tripled.

The act of belittling stems from jealousy and frailty of mind,

They are too weak to admit it and too weak to just be kind,

Whether ingrained or unconscious, from bitterness or spite,

To put another down with arrogance is never right.

I feel hurt and I feel pain, 

I've been here before and probably again,

The hatred of a loser I will always despise,

As strength is overcoming and empowerment is knowing,

But through experience and resilience I will always rise.

The prize in life is Victory through loving kindness,

Not aggression through weakness and blindness,

So, if you're implementing cruel acts on anybody in any way,

Think again in the cold light of day and change what you do and what you say.

Cruelty no matter how insignificant it may seem,

Never goes unnoticed and unfelt,

Don't blame your cruel actions on the hard cards you've been dealt,

Don't hide behind a mask one minute then reveal the true you the next,

Don't lie to yourself because you're unhealed,

Be honest to yourself as the Truth is always revealed!

I Wonder

You see vivid Green Trees and Red Roses of Passion and I wonder.

What's in your thoughts when nature all around encapsulates your being?

Because you are gifted?!

You see intense textures and intricate shapes and patterns, and created design and I wonder.

I see fascination in your eyes and know the great ideas in your mind,

I see joy in your face, zest in your smile, 

not because life is fine, as you've been to devastation and back, but I know you feel elation drawn from the saturation of vast experience, and I wonder.

I see you don't run and hide, and though you feel fear, it doesn't stop your dreams,

You do as you wish and as you want,

In bad moments you gain energy and knowledge,

In good moments you put it to the test.

Your character is drive, 

Your sight is focus,

You mesmerize me! and I wonder!

I wonder why life has challenges and ups and downs,

It's to forge us,

We are forged like Iron in a foundry,

We are welded steel,

We are diamond cut,

We've been through pressure and we've been through time,

That's why we move with such exuberance!

To express, to create and to make things happen,

To motivate, to encourage and to inspire, 

This is what we desire,

As this fire in us needs to spread to another heart and another mind to satisfy our need,

And when this happens how will we feel? what will we think? What will we do next? I wonder!!!