Expectations (my view)

As a child I expected my father to be different to what he was,

This destroyed me.

I expected my brother to be strong, but he wasn't.

I was expected to become a Doctor, but I failed in my pursuit.

I was expected to be stable and sane, and successful, but I was the opposite, I was like my father and my brother.

What does this mean?

It means expectations are unrealistic pressures that can devastate our lives, and it leads to questions, what is normality, what is fatherhood, what is strength, what is success? 

If we take away the expectations that we and society force upon us and live more simply, and humbly we would cease to fall into despair.

Worldly cares bring worldly emotions,

With simplicity and humility we separate ourselves from the world and away from the fears of expectation.

Without expectations the ego is crushed.

With humility we are elevated.

True humility is only gained through Christ Our Saviour.

Fear

Ingrained in society,

Is the terror that lurks beneath,

the sewer of the soul.

Beneath every facade of the face is the faeces of control, 

At least that's the psychodynamic reality of common mentality.

Fear is a mere negativity,

A worldwide construction,

Manifested by evil thoughts,

Setting up our destruction.

I say the overriding feeling that gets to the heart of humanity,

Is not fear, 

but the love inside each of us that brings us to sanity,

In this brainwashed world making the masses sustain an unreal reality,

Christ maintains True Love throughout the Universe with His miraculous ability.

Fear is of the devil,

If you do not believe this then you are deceived, or deluded, 

But by faith we overcome fear,

Fear not fellow people fore our path can be made clear.

By giving with loving kindness,

By repentance of sin,

By forgiving of wrong doing,

By dropping fear in the fear filled bin.

Fear is a darkness, it is a stench,

But perfect love casts out all fear and brings a sweetness to life,

Out of this gloom there glows a great light,

The light overpowers darkness and renders it obsolete,

Once love reaches your heart it is mission almost complete,

You've been touched by love,

You've been held by God himself,

And once you open up and pray,

He will always hear what you have to say.

Hold onto love and trust in God's plan,

Let go of man-made fear,

Your mission will be complete when love creates just a single tear,

A tear of hope and of lasting faith, 

Then you know at last you are Truly Truly Safe. 

For people who are different

Diverge from the norm?

Both nature and nurture I believe,

I diverged from birth,

When I began my battle here on this strange planet called Earth.

I'm never the same, always unique,

Always alone, never in clique.

I've always had the nerve to be different,

The nerve to be "weird",

The nerve to be "flawed and weak"

The nerve to be seen as a clown and a freak.

Exceptional neurons in my brain is why I struggle,

It's why I adapt to others inner life,

When my life is different and they refuse to adapt to me.

So you see,

I go out of my comfort zone,

while everyone else stays inside their kind, 

I glide here and there, and they are unaware of the conflict inside my mind.

When I explain I get a brick wall,

But, one box doesn't fit all,

And I cannot tick that box,

As it's not high functioning,

Or not based on scientific style number crunching,

It isn't extreme enough or doesn't display creativity,

Frankly, it isn't genius and lacks lucidity,

And it doesn't conform to me and my norm,

So I question, why was I born?

In this world so regimented and strict.

I'm in conflict,

with myself because the world is as it is,

And people don't understand,

Nor do they want to,

Fellow people, how can we be all the same?

When we are all so different?

How can we all agree?

When we all really disagree?

Don't shut us down when we complain,

We are not a stain on society,

But a bright spark,

And we have a strong voice,

So be more open and aware,

Let us be heard and give us a choice!

The obstacle is the way

You see the challenge in front,

You see the pain ahead,

The hurt and the effort is already embedded in your head.

It feels too much,

And you feel so weak,

But, it's just you against the obstacle,

And you must reach that peak.

You need to go that way,

It's the only option,

And it must begin today,

But, if it's not chosen you know you'll regret the day and you'll pay.

It's just you against the obstacle,

It's a simple matter of fact,

Simplicity is key to setting the goal,

Don't think too much, just act.

Dig as deep as you can,

Channel your mind and heart,

Anything is possible, 

You just have to start.

Go the distance as you know you can,

You've learnt hard times from the past,

It's what separates the child from the man,

And it will be done at long last.

It's just you against the obstacle...

The Turning Point

 I sobbed my heart out in my darkened dorm,

Then an explosion in my skull,

An explosion of rage and fear,

The devil grabbed me by the balls,

Signalling schizophrenia was here.

Things were going this way and that,

I heard voices of people I couldn't see,

I saw stuff like in a horror film,

I couldn't believe this was happening to me.

Involuntary movement,

Though terrifying it showed what was to come,

Compelled into a crucifix position laying on my bed,

I looked straight at the ceiling and saw two eyes ahead,

My head forced to turn right as if to say down look at me I'm stronger than you,

I sat on the edge and rubbed my face,

I left to go home in this darkened place,

The work of the devil had begun and it was inside me.

A decade of despair,

It was unfair,

In bed with months of crying and misery,

Then from a seed of confidence I had a goal,

To get out and walk with my mother,

In the dark so no one could see,

Terrified to go outside I felt so low and insecure,

But, even the world seemed a slightly better place,

I had achieved something,

By God's Grace.

Years down the line,

The light was the turning point,

God blesses me with gifts,

The gift of love,

The gift of health,

The gift of happiness.

Having the experience of the lowest of the low,

Now, I grow and I grow, and I can flourish and bloom,

With my shovel or my brush, or my pen, or my fists or my feet, 

I tend to life with expression,

I exercise with power,

This gentle nut is a hard nut to crack,

I drive forward and don't look back!

The Truth revealed

3am training in the gym today,

Trying to keep negative thoughts away,

Thoughts of being teased and belittled,

The anger stirring in me doubled and then tripled.

The act of belittling stems from jealousy and frailty of mind,

They are too weak to admit it and too weak to just be kind,

Whether ingrained or unconscious, from bitterness or spite,

To put another down with arrogance is never right.

I feel hurt and I feel pain, 

I've been here before and probably again,

The hatred of a loser I will always despise,

As strength is overcoming and empowerment is knowing,

But through experience and resilience I will always rise.

The prize in life is Victory through loving kindness,

Not aggression through weakness and blindness,

So, if you're implementing cruel acts on anybody in any way,

Think again in the cold light of day and change what you do and what you say.

Cruelty no matter how insignificant it may seem,

Never goes unnoticed and unfelt,

Don't blame your cruel actions on the hard cards you've been dealt,

Don't hide behind a mask one minute then reveal the true you the next,

Don't lie to yourself because you're unhealed,

Be honest to yourself as the Truth is always revealed!

I Wonder

You see vivid Green Trees and Red Roses of Passion and I wonder.

What's in your thoughts when nature all around encapsulates your being?

Because you are gifted?!

You see intense textures and intricate shapes and patterns, and created design and I wonder.

I see fascination in your eyes and know the great ideas in your mind,

I see joy in your face, zest in your smile, 

not because life is fine, as you've been to devastation and back, but I know you feel elation drawn from the saturation of vast experience, and I wonder.

I see you don't run and hide, and though you feel fear, it doesn't stop your dreams,

You do as you wish and as you want,

In bad moments you gain energy and knowledge,

In good moments you put it to the test.

Your character is drive, 

Your sight is focus,

You mesmerize me! and I wonder!

I wonder why life has challenges and ups and downs,

It's to forge us,

We are forged like Iron in a foundry,

We are welded steel,

We are diamond cut,

We've been through pressure and we've been through time,

That's why we move with such exuberance!

To express, to create and to make things happen,

To motivate, to encourage and to inspire, 

This is what we desire,

As this fire in us needs to spread to another heart and another mind to satisfy our need,

And when this happens how will we feel? what will we think? What will we do next? I wonder!!!

The joy is the fight

Remember while here on Earth our

Spiritual warfare is every day,

In every second,

In every way,

We mustn't grumble,

We mustn't complain,

We must remain calm and on a level plain,

Be truly joyful, loving and kind as this countenance is which we all want to find.

It's hard,

It's struggle,

It's fight!

Sometimes easy, sometimes light,

But, whether torture or delight,

We must remain humble and stay focused on the end sight.

The sight of Peace

The sight of Rest,

The sight of Glory at it's finest and best!

Tempted till our last breath,

We must always be aware of the deceitful one,

For he carries a gun,

But, humbly we become bullet proof,

Grasp hold of humility and crack pride,

Burn the demons with prayer, repentance and forgiveness, and let Christ be your Guide, 

Carry your Cross with joy and bring evil's elimination,

As overcoming the struggle will bring your Eternal Salvation,

And the Joy which came from the fight!

Looks deceive

He talks to nobody,

never says good morning, 

never begins conversation and always looks away.

Nonchalant in act and gesture, 

he talks to himself while pointing to nothingness, 

Distorting his facial expressions and always rapid in his movement.

Then they make assumptions about him.

They ask questions day in day out upon his sighting and come to conclusions,

Is he arrogant?

Is he jealous?

Is he deluded? 

He's a cold character.

He's secretive and distant.

He's rude and abrupt.

He's a loner, a very strange man. 

But, if you spoke to him in a kind manner.

If you got to know his character and background.

If you understood his situation and motives.

You would see a very different picture from the assumptions you create and judgements you make.

The light of day

As long as I see the light of day

And the birds still sing their song 

And I still have rhythm in my heart

And movement in my soul 

And my mind thinks good things 

And I dance a dance of the light

And still have hope

And I have my faith

And I breath in air of sustenance 

And exhale praise 

And fight the good fight 

And wage the right war

As long as I see the light of day

I will look forward 

I will progress

I will have momentum and focus 

I will put one foot in front of the other

I will always remain the same

I will not change my mind

I will fight to the end

I will be strong in the dark times

I will feel joy in the good light 

I will feel peace 

I will not despair 

As long as I see the light of day 

Faith reigns over fear

Faith will show the way

Faith conquers evil

Faith is the light 

Faith is power

Faith is victory 

Faith is love

Faith is the unquenchable fire

Faith is heart

Faith is strength 

Faith is Truth 

Then God said, “Let there be light”; and there was light. God saw the light; it was good; and God divided the light from the darkness. God called the light Day; the darkness He called Night; and there was evening and morning, one day. 

The Tunnel

Leaving death,

Enter hope,

See glowing white light...

And remember life in a flash,

Drawing nearer to God as He beckons you with Love.

The Tunnel is entwined with Apple tree branches whose blossoms are in full bloom, birds chirp cheerfully a song of joyous victory as you walk amongst spring flowers rising to salute the Saviour. The wind gently blows behind you with encouragement, and on entering the Heavenly Kingdom an abundance of honey Bees greet you with a bow and a buzz of delight. 

Witness the beauty and magnificence of Paradise, where the table is always fully ladened, where heart is warmth, where hope and prayer on earth are realised in totality, where vices do not exist and sin is extinguished forever, here happiness dwells in the body, mind and spirit, and we experience perfected peace. 

The selfless Lord of hosts, the loving King of Kings, The Grace of the Holy spirit and your Father are with you with every breathe and every sight, the unseen becomes seen. 

Oh joyous Glory,

We give thanks with every beat of our hearts, till we meet our Creator with love and in love, then we sing songs of praise!  

The Enemy

By the canal I see Mallard Ducks and Moor Hen. I feel a fresh breeze and sense the forthcoming of a long lasting powerful ability. 

The reflections on the surface of the canal bring back memories of deep rooted ideas.

Ideas of energy, plans, and of constructing theories and thesis.

In my changing I change the world in entirety, I save thousands around me, the change is inner strength and peace, and with the spirit of peace comes salvation.

With the notion of the Golden Eagle and the Peruvian Condor, the Lion and the Jaguar, energetic forces of flight, fearsome stealth and strength, solidify my perception of my ideas.

Green Algae on the waters surface makes me wonder what lies beneath.

Light penetrates the water, but the murkiness hides the past, hides the life of fishes and insects, debris, rocks and stones.

A singular feather glides slowly by, past satellites, bricks and mortar, flags and flowers. The feather white in colour draws on the spirit of God, giving me protection and guidance.

Back come the Twelve Canada Geese from The Bridge, I know I will always be faithful and courageous like the Saint's. I bless the water around me and take out a chalice from my rucksack, dip it into the canal and drink it,

To me this is the drink of life, as faith is stronger than fear.

My greatest idea enters my mind, that of humility being the only force that destroys all forces of evil and darkness. 

By knowing I am weak, I'm given the strength to defeat the devil. Knowing we are in a spiritual battle here, of demons and Angels, of evil and good, on the scales my thoughts must be in the balance of good, but there will always be changes in the balance. 

I shudder, look up, and take a deep breath. This is not my idea, but the Truth of The Creator. We can be attacked at any time. Guard yourself. I kiss the Cross that is around my neck. I look around one more time then walk away. I'm mere earth and to the earth I will return. I crush the coke can I was carrying, put it back in my rucksack and  continue my pursuit of God. 

With the thoughts of being with the earth always in my mind, carrying my cross and knowing I will be tempted to my last breath, I must be forever repentant. On leaving home each day I must renounce satan, and have the prayer of the heart always on my lips to protect my soul. 

Put your trust in God. 

Defeat yourself and gain the Kingdom of Heaven. 

The Boxer

Life reminds me of the boxer in the corner of the ring, fighting to feed his family.

It's the only thing he's good at, but he's getting a beating!

His coach let's rip and tells him to look at the bigger picture, not only at himself, "Can't is not in your vocabulary Josh, Jesus is with you, Jesus Christ who is Victory! is watching over you! You hear me?! 

His chin rose, emotion and adrenaline followed...

From self doubt to trust in a split second!

Then the fight began.

Whether times are hard or gentle put your trust in God.

He is always in your corner. 

We Pray

With timing of perfection,

Jesus Christ provides His faithful

With Holy Justice...

From servitude to defiance +

From devastation to elevation +

From humiliation to serenity +

From cataclysm to the unfathomable, miraculous, beautiful power of His Grace!

This is why we live humbly,

That is why we bow our heads,

That is why we don't boast,

And we pray for His mercy...

DNA

By my DNA, I don't give up!

God created me in my mother's womb, 

God made me to withstand,

Withstand hurt,

Withstand trauma,

Withstand abuse and torment.

He enabled me to see, learn and correct myself and my life, through the way I think and through the way I feel.

He made me Strong,

Resilient 

& Determined.

"I can't" is not Christian,

"Fore everything is possible with God".

As we are all made by Christ's Loving Hands, this is how we ought to think and this is how we ought to feel. 

His strength holds me up when I am weak and low,

His strength raises me up when I am down and in despair,

His strength gives me life when I am near to death.

My DNA is fashioned by The Creator of and Sustainer of the universe,

How can I give up?

How can I surrender?

How can I relent?

Never!!!

Golden Sun

As the Divine Spark signals life,

As a heartbeat signals the circulation of blood around our bodies,

As love is the essence of God.

As a bird returns to the nest with food for the chicks, 

God will never forget us.

God will return upon a cloud in Glory, therefore...

Never worry, never fear, never be scared or anxious , God is coming to save us all!

As God is good,

God is love,

As He created us out of love,

As He came down from the highest place to be with us out of love,

As He willing sacrificed Himself out of love,

As he rose from the tomb and destroyed death by death and bestowed life upon us all out of love.

Christ conquers, not by war, not by missiles or guns,

But by love,

By love He gives us True freedom in His Eternal Kingdom,

When He knocks, it will be open to us,

With kindness and warmth, 

With the ultimate strength and power,

With magnificence and wonderment,

With beauty and miracles,

With touching our hearts so we change our minds,

There is no control,

There is no brainwashing,

There is no conforming,

For my Lord and my God is LOVE...!!!

Come all you who are weary and troubled and he will give you rest,

Come all you with hardness of heart and overthinking,

Put your hope and trust in Him and He will bring you peace!

As the blood moon vanishes like smoke in the wind, the Golden Sun rises

And the Son of Man gives us life! 

The Final Stretch

As I walk the dry sandy bed of the Red Sea, my feet light and determined, 

I notice God waiting at the other end,

As our eyes meet I know that I was meant to be here at this perfect time.

I came into the world to help, I came to encourage, I came to embrace others with passion,

If I reach there before too late, I hope for His embrace.

A whimsical sigh or a sad goodbye is not for me, 

My fist aloft, I salute before falling to my knees, 

I sob before His almighty love and forgiving power,

I do not hide, I do not cower,

But I look Him straight in the eye, but only with relief and love, 

And I cry out with shaking and fervent force, "my Lord and my God!"

As my steps quicken and my heart begins to pound flowers grow beneath my feet, 

Daisies, Dandelions and Chamomile, an aromatic pasture between shiny pebbles.

For a moment I feel weak, short of breath, but He reminds me that no goodness is without being near to death,

And God's ways are mysterious and perfect, unparalleled in the human race,

Repentance is a marathon and a sin is not a fall from Grace.

As I rise to full strength once again and finally grasp where I am,

I see Him the King, with His Crown, standing in front of me above the clouds, 

He lifts me up to higher heights and tells me that I am safe and well,

He tells me that I'm good and not on my way to hell,

He holds my hands and shows me to the place I long to be,

My faith is realised when I see what I see in front of me! 

Therapy

You sit on a chair in front of a person, just like you, 

Do they know everything about life? 

Can they give true advice and teach you a better existence? 

How much do you pay them or is it free?

These "experts" don't know how to manage their own mentality let alone other people's.

Those that feel they gain from therapy feel they need "help", so they seek out a suitable candidate who presses the right buttons and flips the correct light switch. 

But, therapists are flawed too, with their own issues, hang ups, psychological traumas, power trips and manipulative behaviours.

But, they give an honest and subjective account of your life and mindset?

But, through our own experience we find out who we are and what we need!

The greatest therapy is formed when in coming to know yourself and life, and it may take a long time, that we know that we need true humility, goodness and truth, and that the suffering we experienced leading us to seek help is good for us and not detrimental.

Suffering is good.

We are brainwashed into thinking suffering is bad, this is not true. You can't run away from it, suffering refines and purifies our heart and our soul. 

You just have to gain the strength from outside yourself, from up on high to see better times, and see that suffering did you good. 

Be thankful for the good things in life and give God Glory for all the good things!

Menace to Society

Fight like a Greek,

Don't conform,

Be who you are,

Don't listen to the fat cats and top dogs, the money makers and deal breakers.

Dance the waltz even if they are playing Reggae.

Wear sandals and a balaclava in the snow.

Smoke a pipe nonchalantly and inhale, if you want.

Walk like a hunchback or parade like a crazy man, if you feel like it.

If they say jump, you tell them to jump first.

If they say this is right, I say it's wrong.

If they say this is good for you, I ask but how much does it cost?

Freedom is inside,

Don't let anything control you,

Nice is ok, but goodness is great,

Like Diogenes, tell the most powerful men to move into the shade, as they block the Sun's rays,

Like Socrates said, "Know Thyself" and question everything. 

Like Leonidas, never give up, even if it means death, fight to your last breath.

Like the unfathomable revolutionary genius of the Sermon on the Mount, spoken by God Himself, open your heart and mind to goodness and humility, and Grace. 

Break the stones and shatter the chains,

Pain is not weakness, mental or physical,

Not how I see it, as you become closer and closer, and closer to that which matters!

Rain, Rain

Rain rain go away, come again another day, 

the darkness still envelopes us, the cold brings chills and sickness, 

rain everywhere and effecting everything,

increasing agitation and quickness, rain rain such a stain, but don't blame the rain for your mental pain!

There are always things to do,

To get you through

the tedium of a long day,

Mental power and agility overrides boredom and incapability,

A moment of huff and puff is eliminated by grabbing your thoughts by the scruff, 

Your neck and back may be weary, as are your eyes, but if you can hear, hear and listen to tails and wonders of the past and make them last.

Listen to the tunes of your soul,

The ting and tang, and ping and pang of percussion in rhythm, 

The zip and zap of beats and bops, and go with it exploding and exploring dance and rhyme.

Make those bells chime in your heart and your spirit will lift, and after not so long the rain will shift and the Sun will rise again and bless us with beautiful rays and warmth, and growth and energy of a different and higher kind.

So, don't mind too much, as the circle of life also carries a cross at times, but as the Sun is resurrected and brings new life, our steps become easier and the weight less to bear. 

So don't care too much for too much rain, but look forward with gratitude to brighter days and be filled with longing and joy!