Depression and faith: a note

I have learnt alot and become stronger through my depression. It taught me empathy, compassion and humility. It may be caused by evil, but the effects on me have been good. Mental illness must be understood in terms of the spiritual as well as being part of many individuals life experience. For me, I changed for the better, becoming stronger in faith and closer to understanding people and myself. Humility and a warm heart have come out of this as I haven't and will not let depression destroy me.

Light

Light opened like a yellow rose of freedom, the glow, the brightness, the intensity challenged my mind and my gaze from the earth to the very centre of the azure sky. The delicate changes of colours, of robust pink and purple lingered as the sharpness of a white beam exhilarated my heart. The air outspoken and wild left me silent.

His eyes

Inner strength of a life, is that which makes all have life.

His eyes caught me, weak, pale and distant. Yet within the wrenching of his solar plexus was pressure, but also depth,

Fore the depth of his will power remains, from outer chaos to internal peace,

As spirit is far greater than wasted skin, and the eternal always outlasts the frail body,

His eyes are flowers, Chrysanthemums, late in opening and always startling in presence...

It never ends this presence, the three colours of the petals, dazzling white, yellow and orange, flames and fires of the imagination.

He awakens...arising to the sky and beyond, like the sun, but greater, like the moon though always full, like a tidal wave without harm and like emotion without sadness,

His eyes begin the rainbow and the end too begins with freshness, and vibrance of colour. This freshness, this taste, so sumptuous in the mouth. This honey and this dew of nectar, though flavoursome, is beyond what we can taste, see, hear and feel. Far beyond the senses, in the very depths of the soul.

Shades of grey

Nietzsche is wrong! 

I have lied in my life. I don't like this fact, but I'm being honest. Not big lies, small ones. This doesn't make me a lier or dishonest, or untrustworthy. It makes me flawed and weak. 

I know people close to home, who I know well, who have lied, who I trust and believe in, who I forgive and they forgive me.

Lying is more than "saying" this is an apple when it's an orange, or even hiding your feelings out of masculine shame, which I'm guilty of. 

Disloyalty is a lie, thinking you are pure when you are not Holy is a lie, snooping on your friends is a lie, doing things behind their back is a lie, being friends with liers, bullies, narcissists and fake people is a lie, not stating your honest inner thoughts is a lie, not saying the truth is a lie, not believing in the Truth is a lie. 

If I'm guilty of lying I'm saying this apple is an orange, but that's where it ends, inside I'm honest and truthful with myself and others. I'm trustworthy, I'm not a snake or a wolf in sheep's clothing.

There are many shades of grey. Not everything is black and white. 

Bounce back!

I rise when I fall,

A tenacious Tiger playing ball,

No matter how I play, I never play weak, 

Strong is my name, I play at the peak!

Humble not arrogant,

Diminutive, but great,

Modest in triumph,

Punctual not late!

Success is a good soul,

Success is strength,

Success is getting up from a crippling low! 

I climb after I collapse,

My light proceeds inner darkness,

After hurt I grow,

After pain I glow,

Resurrection follows death 

And redemption after sin!

No matter if I lose, I always win!

Call it what you want... call it fate, call it karma, call it God's Will, 

Those who attempt to kill

will inevitably feel,

a crushing blow so powerful they will be unable to recover! 

Inevitably they will suffer,

That's my faith, that's my belief! Till the wreath, is placed on my head and I am safe and at rest, in my bed.

Unrelenting I patiently wait,

Memory long and sharp as a blade,

My presence is calm,

in the background, but I never fade!

Tirelessly friendly,

I never relent,

After difficult times I pick myself up and frequent,

The back of that horse and ride the course of life! 

The waves carry me time after time,

Energy courses down my spine,

I'm lightening intercepting from a cloud,

I remove the mask, remove the shroud,

Fakers and takers swept away,

Friends held onto dearly,

Never go astray,

Now clear and like a child,

I remember with joyful cheer,

I rise with power,

I play ball with no fear,

I rise with power,

An innocent game,

I rise with power,

The child I was will remain!

The underdog

They batter and bruise me,

They see me and choose me,

Fore I am Good,

I do what I should,

Vulnerable and real,

They know and I appeal,

To them I'm great, so they want to break, me, the sheep,

I rest when I sleep,

Never give up,

Rise,

Never fall,

Fore I have a call, to do what's right, 

I don't bite, brag or boast,

I win by being meek,

I'm not weak!

Never let evil win! 

They spin and twist, accuse and abuse,

They smear and lear,

But, I will fight with my  knowledge as it is power,

With the beauty of a flower,

I begin with courage, 

And end in victory,

Never quit,

My wit is quicker, 

I'm a picker, I'm choosy,

They bruise me, again,

I learn and never go back,

As I do not lack, in life if you have what you need, 

You have been freed,

You have the leed,

No need to plead, to those fakers and taunters!

They hope I fall,

They hope I break,

But I pray and forgive,

Continue to rise and live,

They are crushed inside, utterly obliterated, 

These obstacles I ride,

Like the prodigal, 

I return to open arms,

Methodical in my madness,

I love the underdog,

I love God,

They love power, control and manipulation,

I've not got time for that cowardice!

They're the bottom of an abyss,

I rise and never fall,

Make a challenge and you will lose,

Turn to the booze,

I turn to my faith,

There's something bigger out there,

You're feeble games,

Are your downfall,

Fore I have the bravery,

Allow your mental slavery,

You lack the minerals, like criminals!

You lack the vitamins, the substance, so you turn to substance abuse,

I turn the other cheek,

I'm not weak!

The consequence of evil life,

Is you are hollow, shallow, lifeless,

These words are real,

Not emptiness,

Bless the souls of those who have humility,

The underdog rises to the challenge,

With tranquility, reality and integrity,

Not sly and underhand, two faced back stabbing,

No killing here,

I'm clear,

I seek, I find, I knock,

The door is open,

I'm loved,

By the Truth,

The winner,

The life giver!

I won't be waiting around to watch you fall,

I just KNOW,

Pride always falls,

The Humble have the balls, call it what you will,

Then take your ecstasy,

I'll partake in Holy Communion,

My reunion is Heaven,

Yours is hell,

You'll hear that bell chime,

Fore your life is a crime,

A crime of humanity,

My life is clarity,

Not a moment, like an alcoholic, but it's entirety,

I take a step back,

I will never lack,

Never turn to crack,

My friends have my back!

The sun shines on the underdog,

The water is calm,

My boat sails towards the horizon of Love!

The obstacles gone,

Clarity and strength reign,

No more pain,

Only gain!

A reward

The spirit of peace and humility is the greatest and here lies true power. The power of the powerless. The greatest is the least. To be truly kind, generous and warm hearted breaks all evil, slander, accusation, treacherousness, hardness and hatred. An apology without change is empty. A sincere and loving person considers a person's feelings. Kindness of heart is a reward in itself.